South Bay Kickball Summer Week 7

South Bay Kickball Summer Week 7

August 24, 2012 |  by  |  GMOT  |  No Comments

Hello South Bay!  Today’s theme:  Superheroes and SuperHoes!  I expect to see nothing less than scantily clad, sword wielding, mind fucking super-heroines on the fields… as well as men in tights.  Why do we do this?  Why the fuck not?  What better way to spend your Friday night than with other late 20′s/30 somethings’s (and one 40 something) year olds who are also crazy enough to voluntarily dress up in some lame childhood theme except way sluttier than momma would ever let you, and get drunk at a bar that’s charging way too little for way too stiff drinks.  Yeah, sign me the fuck up!

Week 7 recaps

Sole Assassins 3 – Ball Me Maybe 11
The battle for last place continues.  The captain Cleo-less assassins looked to be in disarray Friday night.  The tweeny boppers took full advantage and unleashed a fury of big boots and big booties running up the score on the short handed Assassins.  League analysts believe this debauchery perpetrated by Ball Me Maybe was a direct response to Katy Perry knocking Carly Rae Jepsen down a few spots on the Top 40 charts.

Ball’infection 2 – Straight to 2nd Base 3
In what almost became the upset of the night, Straight to 2nd Base squeaked away with a 1 point victory over the infected balls of South Bay.  ST2B struggled offensively throughout most of the game and the fiesty baby blue squad made sure to take advantage to keep it as close as possible.  Upset with their performance, Ozzy (the guy who always looks like he’s dressed up in 80′s workout gear) vowed to wear even shorter and tighter shorts for his superhero costume tonight.  This could prove to be strategically brilliant…

Ball Busters 1 – Wasted Management  6
There was only one thing on Wasted Management’s agenda that night:  Avenge their flip cup loss to Ball Busters (yes, WM is still bitching about something that happened eons ago).  However, with only a 5 point win over their solo cup arch nemesis, league analysts believe Wasted Management may actually be losing some steam late in the season.  Either that, or these beer snobs have been bringing in much higher percentage ABV craft beers to the fields.


South Bay Kickball Summer Week 5

South Bay Kickball Summer Week 5

August 10, 2012 |  by  |  GMOT  |  No Comments

Hello South Bay!  First of all, congratulations to Ball Busters for winning the first ever South Bay Flip Cup Championships!  It warms my heart to see that your team is actually good at something because we know you’re definitely not good at kickball.  And congratulations to everyone who survived the first league party.  There were only a handful of casualties this time around but we’ll make sure that number goes up at the End Of Season Party.

Week 5 recaps

Sole Assassins 0 – Straight to 2nd Base 7 
Only two things worth mentioning about this game.  First is LEARN THE FUCKING RULES!  Watching two teams argue over a rule that they both clearly have no clue about is just embarrassing.  Second is girls wearing tutu’s and leotards that leave very little to the imagination is ALWAYS acceptable and appreciated on the fields.  So to the girl that let my mind wander to a happy place last Friday… I SALUTE YOU!

Ball Busters 2 – Ball’infection 0
Ball Busters is on fire!  Tying their longest winning streak of ONE game, Ball Busters put an end to Ball’infection’s winning streak of yeah you guessed it… ONE game.  The battle for kickball mediocrity is as heated as ever.  Sources however say that after winning the Flip Cup Championship, Ball Busters has mentally checked out for the rest of the season.

Wasted Management 12 – Ball Me Maybe 1
So while 80′s theme night brings out girls in tutu’s and leotards, it apparently also brings out dudes in skinny jeans and leopard print tights.  smh…  Ball Me Maybe threw everything they had at Wasted Management but they proved no match for Marty McFly, Doc Brown… and the dude in skinny jeans.

Current Standings:

Kickballer Categories

August 10, 2012 |  by  |  GMOT  |  No Comments

So at this point, we’re a few weeks into the season.  Some of you have been taking proper advantage of the opportunities presented, while others are still nursing the blisters on your palms and/or constantly burning through the batteries on your rabbit.  I’m sure some of you have seen certain patterns of behavior at the bar but are not quite sure what to make of it.  In an effort to make things a little easier for you, our friend the Kickball Casanova, has put together a sort of informational guide for the different types of kickballers you may encounter in the wild.  I highly recommend you take notes, heck, bring a cheat sheet to the bar with you if necessary.  You can thank us later…

The Rookie (AKA kickball Virgin):
This kickballer is relatively new to kickball.  It’s their first or second season and they’re still not quite sure what to make of it.  They may or may not be actual virgins, but one thing is for sure… they won’t be by the end of the season.  You can easily identify this kickballer by the awe and excitement they exhibit on the field and at the bar.  They will be over enthusiastic and will be running around Pitcher House like… well a kickballer that has never seen a group of single horny 20 something’s in one place.  You need to pounce on this kickballer right away because by the end of the season, they will have been with 3 of your teammates.
Scale of Difficulty: 2

The Party Girl:
So this kickballer has been around a few seasons and knows what’s up.  You can find this kickballer at the flipcup table, winning round after round of flipcup and generally being the center of attention.  The good thing about this kickballer is by about 10pm, they will be chocolate wasted and while normally the good girl, they will be looking for anything with a pulse and a reasonably decent pick up line.  Ok, the pick up line isn’t important but it will increase your chances.
Scale of Difficulty: 5

The Veteran:
The Veteran has been playing kickball for 5 or 6 seasons now, probably in more than one league, and they have been around the block a few times.  They were a rookie once and know how to spot a less experienced kickballer.  The Veteran is a discerning kickballer that has probably had a target in mind for a while.  This is a tough nut to crack and will probably take a few weeks at least.  You need to take an unconventional approach, as they will have seen it all in their kickball careers.  For instance, try using complete sentences when talking to them.  While “You. Me. Home. Now” will work on the rookie, with the Veteran, you have to be a little more creative.  The ones wearing bright yellow and orange safety vests on the field will likely fall into this category.
Scale of difficulty: 8  (except the one who’s name starts with an M and rhymes with Jonique… a few shots of tequila and you’re golden)

The Special Agent:
What is a special agent you ask?  The Special Agent is also on a mission… a mission of booty.  They have picked their kickballer for the season and nothing will get in their way.  Unless you are that lucky gazelle wandering the Serengeti, you probably don’t have a chance in hell of getting anywhere with this person.  You might as well abort and move onto the hotter friend.  The special agent can be recognized by her constant scanning of the room looking for that kickballer that tickles her fancy.  Then once the target has been acquired, she jumps out of her seat and heads straight to that lucky kickballer that will not have to try for anything the rest of the season.
Scale of Difficulty: 10 (unless you are the chosen one, in which case a .01)

And there you have it.  Tonight’s mission is to identify your targets (THAT ARE NOT YOUR TEAMMATES), determine the appropriate plan of attack, and proceed to fornicate.  Oh, and don’t forget to have your Hook Up Contracts handy.